Man Made Radio w/ Rhyan

Weekdays 2p-6p

“I only mention it because sometimes there’s a man… I won’t say a hero, ’cause, what’s a hero? But sometimes, there’s a man… Sometimes, there’s a man, well, he’s the man for his time and place. He fits right in there… And even if he’s a lazy man… Quite possibly the laziest… which would place him high in the runnin’ for laziest worldwide. But sometimes there’s a man, sometimes, there’s a man. Aw. I lost my train of thought here. But… aw, hell. I’ve done introduced him enough.”

~ Sam Elliott, ‘The Big Lebowski’

Chapter I: Don’t Tell Me How To Eat Jelly Donuts

Not to start off on a traumatic note, but before my parents got divorced, my cat killed my hamster. In a horrifically disturbing fashion. Now to be clear, I loved my cat AND my hamster. Heck, if my hamster had killed my cat (not likely) it probably would have had a one-way ticket to the garbage disposal courtesy of me. But the fact is, sometimes your parents have to lie to you. 

My dad – a rather gruff, old-school, grew up in a mafia hub of a town in Ohio in the 1930’s type of guy – still had the foresight to outright lie to me about it and tell me that my hamster, Fluffy, died in his sleep. Was he trying spare me the feeling of hate I may have instinctively developed towards my cat? Was he originally going show me some tough love, and lost his nerve at the last minute? Did my social worker of a mother talk him out of giving it to me straight? I’ll never know, but years later when I looked back at that incident through an adult lens, I asked my father if my hamster had really died in his sleep. He told me, “No. The cat mangled it. Really ripped it to shreds. The whole enclosure looked like somebody blew up a jelly donut in the microwave. I barely got it out of the living room before you woke up.”

…

“It is hard to imagine Andre Le Notre laying out the exquisite landscape designs for Vaux-le-Vicomte, and later the magnificent Chateau de Versailles, with no high hill to stand on, no helicopter to fly in, and no diagram to show him the complexities of the terrain. Yet he did, and with extreme precision, accuracy, and high style.”

~ Martha Stewart, introducing her line of products for K-Mart

Chapter II: Never Put Mister Bubble in a Hotel Jacuzzi 

One of my first new-ish cars (I’ve only owned one brand new car) I treated like my baby. It was a 1992 Plymouth Acclaim. White, four doors, blue fabric interior, plastic grill with the Chrysler logo on it. A real panty-dropper. But I took care of it long enough and it lasted long enough that eventually it was so outdated that it became the target of theft for a gang initiation in the city I lived it. It was old, easy to break into, and you could start it with a screw driver. Which they did. 

When I went to identify it the Monday after the Saturday it was stolen and crashed (the impoundment lot wasn’t open Sundays, but they were kind enough to charge me for storage) the occupants’ four ski masks were still inside. Matter of fact, the passenger hit his head on the windshield, so there was bloody glass all over the dash. I’m sure everyone in the car was “scared straight” from the experience. 

To deal with the great emotional loss, I whipped out my credit card and my friends and I split a little Saturday night hotel room action, complete with a hot tub. I felt dirty from being in my stolen car, so I threw some bubble bath in there and jumped in. What I didn’t realize is that bubble bath in a jacuzzi is like putting Mentos in a 2-liter bottle of Mr. Pibb. The sudz went over the hot tub, all over the bathroom, out the door and into the hallway. I even slipped and bruised my tailbone trying to get out. Point is, in an attempt to process my automotive grief, I lost my deposit on the room and had to pay for the damage to the carpet and wood rot on the bottom of the hotel room door. 

Always remember: It’s not the bubble that matters, it’s what the bubble does once it gets loose without popping. 

…

“‘Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

~ Misattributed to Albert Einstein, actually said by nobody

Chapter III: When People Never Said It & Still Got Blamed For It

“You must be the change you wish to see in the world” sounds really good, but Gandhi never said it.  

“Well-behaved women seldom make history” might BE true, but it was never uttered by Marilyn Monroe. 

“Good artists copy, great artists steal” gets attributed to Pablo Picasso, but it’s actually a quote from the Appleseed himself, Steve Jobs

“Elementary, my dear Watson” isn’t in a single Sherlock Holmes publication. 

I love it here, I love what I do, and I love that there’s a place for now on this planet that still lets me do it. Until we all get replaced by The Matrix. You can quote me on & blame me for that. 

~Rhyan

Feel free to shoot him a line at [email protected]

Comedian & Host Jim Florentine Calls in to Man Made Radio

Comedian & Host Jim Florentine Calls in to Man Made Radio

(Photo Credit: Jim Florentine/Pulse PR) Jim checked in to talk about his new YouTube series ‘That Rocks’ with former ‘That Metal Show’ co-hosts Don Jamieson and Eddie Trunk, his stand up tour, the challenges of ‘Crank Yankers,’ the Rock Hall and, of course… dining out?!

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